For a Joyful Life, Limit Comparisons

Ever compare elements of your life to someone else's? I think most of us have done this at some point in our lives. I know I have. When I lived in the NY metropolitan area, it was a rite of passage to keep up with the Jones'. And it got exhausting.

I know from my own experiences, and those of my clients, that when we compare our life stories, loves, achievements, and possessions against another's to gauge our worth, we're not honoring our own unique life journey and specialness.

Although we might think it's natural to compare one life to another, we each have our own distinct journey and purpose for being here. There is no one else exactly like you -- with your heart, soul, spirit, talents, abilities.

The ordinary miracle of existing here today is an extraordinary blessing of good fortune for each of us. Synthesizing one's life choices down to zero-sum "transactional" comparisons deflects you from your singular path and hinders fulfillment in life.

What's best for you?

The ego is insidious. It shifts us away from our hearts to the mind where the focus is grounded in win-lose situations where jealousy, fear, and loss abound. Alternatively, the heart is grounded in gratitude, appreciation, and intelligence that knows what's best for you. And it wants to deliver the best to you. Because the heart's goal is fulfillment of hopes, wishes, and dreams, it strives to deliver a life that's well-lived and well-loved during the time you're here.

Rather than asking: How do I compare? Will this improve my status? Does this show I'm important? The heart asks: Does this fill my heart with joy? Does this give me pleasure? Does my light shine brighter with it? Am I smiling ear to ear? Does this make me laugh with joy?

Fulfillment is the heart's goal

Comparing candidates for jobs is fine as an employer needs to match employees to job roles, but for many of us, we don't just compare the cost of goods sold. We determine the value of each other by comparing partners, homes, work and financial status, family life and even love lives to make sure our ego's needs are met.

The ego mindset is predicated on besting someone else's life journey. It's dedicated to sameness and otherness. It's doesn't care about you or your uniqueness. It's not concerned with creating a life that's well-lived and well-loved. But your heart is. It's focused on helping you realize your hopes, wishes, and dreams. And what gives you joy and makes you smile.

We each have our own unique journey to follow

Each day we each make choices about what we want and don't want in our lives, what's worth having and what's not, and what we value. However, when we secretly compare and secure something someone else has to further belonging, worth, and prosperity, we don't give our hearts a chance to realize our true desires. Consequently, we miss out on the rich experiences our hearts want that reaffirm our purpose for being here: beauty, love, grace, joy and fulfillment at all levels possible.

Me, too

I remember when I was a full-time, college student working part-time. A dear friend of mine had a gorgeous leather jacket. I felt a tinge of jealousy because I always wanted one, and it looked so beautiful. It was black, soft, and tailor-made for her. But I didn't have the budget at the time, as I had other priorities to satisfy.

As time passed, I graduated and saved up enough money to splurge on a few things that I had always wanted. I had two choices: Buy that jacket and twin my friend each winter and fall or choose something that really made my heart sing. I ended up choosing the latter. I realized what I really wanted was create a lifetime of memories with one-of-a-kind experiences. So I set off on a camping/biking trip through Maine and Nova Scotia. And it was glorious.

Every morning in Maine I awoke to loons singing as the sweet scent of campfire coffee and bacon filled the crisp morning air. When I first arrived at the campsite, the Bay of Fundy's funnel-shaped basin was empty and I walked on the moist ground for signs of life. By nightfall, the Bay had risen 53 feet -- and was lovingly lapping the ground I camped on.

At Bar Harbor, we took a ferry to Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. There, I savored the freshest scallops sold at the local gas stations (truckers have to eat, too I was told). In Halifax, I giggled my way through a slightly embarrassing rickshaw ride deftly handled by a handsome, scantily clad student working his way through college.

Riding on the Lighthouse Route, I arrived at the picturesque village of Peggy's Cove and its celebrated lighthouse. The lighthouse sits perched atop wave-sculpted granite boulders facing the Atlantic Ocean. It offers dramatic views at sunset and daybreak, and it's the most photographed lighthouse in Canada.

I waited and waited one night, bracing against the cold and wind for the glorious multicolored sunset to close the day so I could witness the lighthouse beacon light turn on. Once it did, the light swept across the darkening expanse casting gold sparkles on the windblown water as the waves peaked and crashed along the rugged granite coastline. And my heart sighed.

The immense natural beauty and majesty of the moment overwhelmed me as I hurried to capture snapshot after snapshot of this breathtaking coastal scenery. In that moment, perhaps, for the first time in my life, I knew what "It fed my soul" meant.

It was the trip of a lifetime that I will always remember. When I need a dose of beauty and wonder to fill me, I think of that night, the moon shining, the stars, the sun setting, and the beacon's light dancing across the sparkling water. I've visited dozens of lighthouses since then, and that was the most gorgeous lighthouse scenery I have ever experienced. I felt at one with the unspoiled natural beauty of the granite boulders, water, and the environment.

If I had allowed my ego to choose the jacket over the trip, I would not have had the chance to captivate my heart and soul with such beauty, awe, and splendor.

"Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save. They just stand and let their light shine."

Shift from comparing to listening to your heart

Below are some thoughts on how you can create more joy in your life by listening to your heart.

1. Create your own path with your own brand of specialness.

Wanting and having what others have achieved can make us feel special, too. But it may not be what our hearts desire for fulfillment. Compare if you have to but consider your own needs and wants when making decisions regarding what's valuable, and what you desire. Let your heart guide you. What your heart provides will always be better than what the ego mind could ever have imagined. Simply because it's limitless. And the ego mind is not.

2. Start by asking: "What do I really want? What is my heart telling me?"

Unlike the mind, the heart doesn't focus on specifics -- it has all the knowledge and intelligence from lifetimes at its disposal. Hence, it focuses on the end result. In other words, outcomes. What does an outcome look like? It's when you feel giddy or happy visiting a place, eating a special meal, sharing with a friend. You light up. You smile more. Your breath quickens. You even speak faster and those around you can feel the lightness and joy in your energy field.

To ask for what you want, place your hand on your heart, say CENTER, then name a specific outcome in a few simple words. Let your heart color in what you receive. Then sit back and let it bring it to you.

3. Start from where you are now. Leave the past in the past.

As we gain wisdom throughout our lives, our wants and desires change. What you wanted 5, 10, 15 years ago likely won't fit with who you are today. You've grown and evolved. You're not who you were then. As you consider your wants, realize contrast exploration (want this, don't want this) is good to have, but not when it leads you to pull the past forward into the present. Start fresh by considering who and where you are today, and what your heart desires now that could make you even happier. Then ask your heart for it.

The act of comparing often starts with baseline criteria grounded in lack, usually drawn from past experiences. Seldom does it assess where you are today versus where you want to be. To achieve your hopes, wishes, and dreams, let your heart lead the way.

4. Release all limitations and conditions that hold you back.

Realize each time you place conditions and limitations on what you want, you're coming from the ego mindset which dwells in lack. This limits what your heart essence can bring to you. You're essentially crossing potentials off your list.

We can never fully see how situations play out because of free will, but your heart essence knows what is best for you. It's eternal. And since dozens of unconscious patterns typically run in the average person, if you haven't cleared them the same energies and situations will repeat until you release them. Best to clear these distortions so that your heart can smooth the path to realizing your dreams. If you need help releasing them, I offer sessions, tune-ups, and workshops to optimize your energy system so you attract and enjoy what fulfills you.

----

Questions? Comments? Happy to connect. Send an email from my website Contact section. Interested in a optimization energy work, visit here for more information. Sessions, including tune-ups and workshops are available. All optimization work is private and confidential.